The Wisdom of Doctor Dodypoll
From the First Quarto edition of 1600
Original Spelling. Edited by B.F. copyright © 2002, all rights reserved
Spelling in speech designations has been standardized.
Items defined in the glossary are underlined.
Run on lines (closing open endings) are indicated by ~~~.
[Enter Haunce, Lassinbergh and others following, serving in a Banket.]
HAUNCE: Come sir, it is not your painting alone,
Makes your absolute man; ther's as fine a hand
To be requir'd in carrying a dish,
As sweete art to be shew'd in't
As in any maister peece whatsoever;
Better then as you painted the Doctor eene now,
With his nose in an Urinall.
LASSIN: Be quiet sir, or Ile paint you by and by,
eating my maisters comfets. [Exit]
[Enter Flores, Cassimeere, Alberdure, Cornelia, and Motto.]
FLORES: Prince Alberdure, my great desire to answere ... [II.1.10]
The greatnes of your birth, and high deserts,
With entertainment fitting to your state,
Makes althings seem too humble for your presence.
ALBERDURE: Courteous S. Flores, your kinde welcome is
Worthy the presence of the greatest Prince;
And I am bound to good Earle Cassimeere,
For honouring me with your desierd acquaintance.
CASSIMERE: Wilt please you therefore to draw neere my lord?
FLORES: Wilt please your grace to sit?
ALBERDURE: No good S. Flores, I am heere admiring ... [II.1.20]
The cunning strangenes of your antick work:
For though the generall tract of it be rough,
Yet is it sprinkled with rare flowers of Art.
See what a livelie piercing eye is here;
Marke the conveiance of this lovelie hand;
Where are the other parts of this rare cheeke?
Is it not pittye that they should be hid?
FLORES: More pity 'tis (my lord) that such rare art
Should be obscur'd by needie povertie,
Hee's but a simple man kept in my house. ... [II.1.30]
ALBERDURE: Come sirra, you are a practitioner,
Lets have your judgement here.
HAUNCE: VVill you have a stoole sir?
MOTTO: I, and I thank you too sir.
FLORES: Hath this young Gentleman such skill in drawing?
ALBERDURE: Many great maisters thinke him
(for his yeares) exceeding cunning.
CASSIMERE: Now sir, what thinke you?
MOTTO: My Lord, I thinke more Art is shaddowed heere,
Then any man in Germanie can shew, ... [II.1.40]
Except Earle Lassinbergh; and (in my conceipt)
This worke was never wrought without his hand.
FLORES: Earle Lassinbergh? aye me, my jealous thoughts
Suspect a mischiefe, which I must prevent.
Haunce, call Lucilia and the Painter strait,
Bid them come both t'attend us at our feast:
Is not your Grace yet wearie of this object?
Ile shew your Lordship things more woorth the sight,
Both for their substance, and their curious Art.
ALBERT: Thankes good sir Flores. ... [II.1.50]
FLORES: See, then (my Lord) this Aggat that contains
The image of that Goddesse and her sonne:
Whom auncients held the Soveraignes of Love,
See naturally wrought out of the stone,
(Besides the perfect shape of every limme;
Besides the wondrous life of her bright haire,)
A waving mantle of celestiall blew,
Imbroydering it selfe with flaming Starres.
ALBERDURE: Most excellent: and see besides (my Lords)
How Cupid's wings do spring out of the stone, ... [II.1.60]
As if they needed not the helpe of Art.
FLORES: My Lord, you see all sorts of Jewels heere,
I will not tire your grace with view of them;
Ile only shew you one faire Aggate more,
Commended chiefely for the workmanship.
ALBERDURE: O excellent; this is the very face
Of Cassimeere: by viewing both at once,
Either I thinke that both of them do live,
Or both of them are Images and dead.
FLORES: My Lord, I feare I trouble you too long, ... [II.1.70]
Wilt please your Lordships taste this homely cates?
CORNELIA: First, (if it please you) give me leave to greete
Your Princely hand with this unworthy gift:
Yet woorthy, since it represents your selfe.
ALBERDURE: What? my selfe Lady? trust me it is pittie
So faire a Jemme should hold so rude a picture.
CORNELIA: My Lord 'tis made a Jewell in your picture,
Which otherwise had not deserv'd the name.
ALBERDURE: Kinde mistresse, kindly I accept your favour.
[Enter Lassinbergh, Haunce, and Lucilia.]
FLORES: Heere you young gentlemen; do you know this man? ... [II.1.80]
MOTTO. Yes signior Flores, 'tis Earle Lassinbergh.
My lord what meane you to come thus disguisd?
LUCILIA: Aye me.
LASSIN: The foolish boye is mad, I am Cornelius;
Earle Lassinbergh; I never heard of him.
FLORES: O Lassingbergh, we know your villainie,
And thy dishonour (fond Lucilia).
Asse that I was, dull, sencelesse, grosse-braynd foole,
That dayly saw so many evident signes
Of their close dealings, winckings, becks and touches, ... [II.1.90]
And what not? to enforce me to discerne,
Had I not beene effatuate even by Fate:
Your presence noble Lords (in my disgrace)
Doth deepely moove mee: and I heere protest
Most solemnly (in sight of heaven and you)
That if Earle Lassingbergh this day refuse,
To make faire mends for this fowle trespasse done,
I will revenge me on his treacherous heart,
Though I sustaine for him a thousand deaths.
CASSIMERE: This action (traitour Lassingbergh) deserves ... [II.1.100]
Great satisfaction, or else great revenge.
ALBERDURE: Beleeve me gallant Earle your choice is faire,
And worthy your most honourable love.
LASSIN: My Lord, it greeves me to be thus unmaskt,
And made ridiculous in the stealth of love:
But (for Lucilias honor) I protest,
(Not for the desperate vowe that Flores made)
She was my wife before she knew my love
By secret promise, made in sight of heaven.
The marriage which he urgeth, I accept, ... [II.1.110]
But this compulsion and unkinde disgrace,
Hath altered the condition of my love,
And filde my heart with yrksome discontent.
FLORES: My Lord, I must preferre mine honor still,
Before the pleasure of the greatest Monarch;
Which since your Lordship seekes to gratifie
With just and friendly satisfaction;
I will endevour to redeeme the thought
Of your affection, and lost love to us:
Wilt please you therefore now to associate ... [II.1.120]
This woorthy Prince, at this unwoorthy banquet?
ALBERDURE: My Lord let me intreate your company.
LASSIN: Hold mee excusd faire Prince; my grieved thoughts
Are farre unmeete for festivall delights:
Heere will I sit and feede on melancholie,
A humour (now) most pleasing to my taste.
FLORES: Lucilia, waite the pleasure of your love:
My Lord, now to the banquet,
Daughter commaund us a carowse of wine.
[Musick sounds a while; and they sing, Boire a le Fountaine.]
My Lord; I greete you with this first carowse, ... [II.1.130]
And as this wine (the Elements sweete soule)
Shall growe in me to bloud and vitall spirit,
So shall your love and honor growe in me.
ALBERDURE: I pledge you sir.
CASSIMERE: ~~~ How like you him, my Lord?
ALBERDURE: Exceeding well. [Sing Boyre a le fountaine.]
FLORES: Cornelia, do you serve the Prince with wine?
[Shee puts the powder into the Cup and gives it the Prince.]
ALBERDURE: I thanke you Lady. [Sing Boir a &c.]
Earle Cassimeere, I greete you; and remember
Your fair Hyanthe. ... [II.1.140]
CASSIMERE: I thanke your honour. [Sing Boyrr a &c.]
ALBERDURE: Fill my Lord Cassimere his right of wine.
CASSIMERE: Cornelia, I give you this dead carowse.
CORNELIA: I thanke your Lordship. [Sing Boir a &c.]
ALBERDURE: What smoake? smoake and fire.
CASSIMERE: What meanes your honour?
ALBERDURE: Powder, powder, Etna, Sulphure, fier:
quench it, quench it.
FLORES: I feare the medicine hath distemper'd him.
O villaine Doctor.
ALBERDURE: Downe with the battlements, powre water on,
I burne, I burne; O give me leave to flie
Out of these flames; these fiers that compasse me. [Exit.]
CASSIMERE: What an unheard of accident is this?
Would God, friend Flores, t'had not happen'd heere.
FLORES: My Lord, 'tis sure some Planet striketh him,
No doubt the furie will away againe.
CASSIMERE: Ile follow him. [Exit.]
LASSIN: What hellish spright ordain'd this hateful feast,
That ends with horror thus and discontent? ... [II.1.160]
FLORES: I hope no daunger will succeede therein:
How ever, I resolve me to conceale it.
My Lord, wilt please you now to change this habit.
And deck your selfe with ornaments more fit
For celebration of your marriage.
LASSIN: I, I, put on me what attire you will;
My discontent, that dwels within me still. [Exeunt.]
[Enter Haunce solus.]
HAUNCE: Whom shall a man trust? a Painter? no.
A servant? no: a bedfellowe? no:
For seeming for to see, it falls out right,
All day a Painter, and an Earle at night. [Enter Doctor.]
DOCTOR: Ho Zaccharee, bid Ursula brush my two, tree,
fine Damaske gowne; spread de rishe coverlet on de
faire bed; vashe de fine plate; smoake all de shambre
vit de sweete perfume.
HAUNCE: Here's the Doctor, what a gaping his wisedom
keepes i' the streete? ... [II.2.10]
As if he could not have spoken all this within.
DOCTOR: Ho, Zaccharee; if de grand patient come,
tou finde me signior Flores.
HAUNCE: By your leave maister Doctor.
DOCTOR: Hans my very speciall friend; fait and trot,
Me be right glad for see you veale.
HAUNCE: What do you make a Calfe of me, M. Doctor?
DOCTOR: O no; pardona moy; I say vell, be glad for see
you vell, in good health.
HAUNCE: O but I am sick M. Doctor; very exceeding sick sir. ... [II.2.20]
DOCTOR: Sick? tella me by garr; me cure you presently.
HAUNCE: A dead palsy, M. Doctor, a dead palsy.
DOCTOR: Verae? Veare?
HAUNCE: Heere M. Doctor, I cannot feele, I cannot feele.
DOCTOR: By garr, you be de brave merry man;
De fine proper man; de very fine, brave, little,
Propta sweet Jack man: by garr me loove'a you,
Me honour you, me kisse'a your foote.
HAUNCE: You shall not stoope so lowe good M. Doctor,
Kisse higher if it please you. ... [II.2.30]
DOCTOR: In my trot me honour you.
HAUNCE: I but you give me nothing sir.
DOCTOR: No? by garr me giv'a de high commendation,
Passe all de gold, precious pearle in all de vorld.
HAUNCE: Aye sir, passe by it, you meane so sir.
Well I shall have your good word, I see M. Doctor.
DOCTOR: I fayt.
HAUNCE: But not a rag of money.
DOCTOR: No, by wy [my?] trot: no point money; me gieve de
beggra de money: no point de brave man. ... [II.2.40]
HAUNCE: Would I were not so brave in your mouth:
But I can tell you news maister Doctor.
DOCTOR: Vat be dat?
HAUNCE: The young Prince hath drunke himselfe mad
at my maisters to day.
DOCTOR: By garr; drunke I tinck.
HAUNCE: No sir, starke mad; he cryes out as if the towne
were a fier.
DOCTOR: By garr me suspect a ting.
HAUNCE: Nay, I can tell you more newes yet. ... [II.2.40]
DOCTOR: Vat newes?
HAUNCE: If your cap be of capacitie to conceive it now
So it is. Ile deale with you by way of Interrogation:
Who is it must marry with Lucilia bright?
All day a Painter, and an Earle at night.
DOCTOR: By garr me no conceive vatt you say.
HAUNCE: Let wisdome answer: I aske what is man?
A Pancake tost in Fortunes frying pan.
DOCTOR: Vat frying pan? by garr, I tinck
De foolish petite Jack is madd. ... [II.2.60]
HAUNCE: For as an Asse may weare a Lyons skinne,
So noble Earles have sometimes Painters binne.
DOCTOR: Garrs blurr he ryme de grand Rats from my house
Me no stay, me go seek'a my faire Cornelia. [Exit.]
HAUNCE: Farewell, Doctor Doddy, in minde & in body,
An excellent Noddy:
A Cock[s]comb in cony, but that he wants money,
To give legem pone. O what a pitifull case is this? what
might I have done with this wit, if my friends had bestowed
learning upon me? well, when all's don, a naturall ... [II.2.70]
guift is woorth all. [Exit.]
[Enter Alphonso, Hardenbergh, Hoscherman, with others. &c.]
HARDEN: The Ambassador of Brunswick (good my lord)
Begins to murmure at his long delayes.
HOSCH: Twere requisite your highnes would dismisse him.
ALPHONSO: Who holds him? let him go.
HARDEN: My Lord, you know, his message is more great
Then to depart so slightly without answer,
Urging the marriage that your grace late sought
With Katherine, sister to the Saxon Duke.
HOSCH: Whom if your highnes should so much neglect,
As to forsake his sister and delude him, ... [II.3.10]
Considering already your olde jarre,
With the stoute Lantsgrave,
What harmes might ensue?
ALPHONSO: How am I crost? Hyanthe 'tis for thee,
That I neglect the Duchesse and my vowes.
HARDEN: My Lord, 'twere speciallie convenient
Your Grace would satisfie th'embassador.
ALPHONSO: Well, call him in.
HOSCH: But will your Highnes then forsake Hyanthe?
ALPHONSO: Nothing lesse, Hoscherman. ... [II.3.20]
HOSCH: How will you then content th'embassador?
ALPHONSO: I will delaie him with some kinde excuse.
HARDEN: What kinde excuse my Lord?
ALPHONSO: For that let me alone: do thou but soothe,
What I my selfe will presently devise,
And I will send him satisfied away.
HARDEN: Be sure (my Lord) Ile sooth what ere you say.
ALPHONSO: Then let him come, we are provided for them.
[Enter Vandercleeve the Ambassador attended.]
My lord Ambassador, we are right sorrie
Our urgent causes have deferd you thus: ... [II.3.30]
In the dispatch of that we most desire.
But for your answer: Know I am deterr'd
By many late prodigious ostents,
From present consumation of the nuptials,
Vowd twixt your beautious Dutchesse and our selfe.
O what colde feare mens jealous stomacks feele
In that they most desire: suspecting still,
'Tis eyther too too sweete to take effect,
Or (in th' effect) must meete with some harshe chaunce
To intervent the joye of the successe. ... [II.3.40]
The same wisht day (my Lord) you heere arriv'd,
I bad Lord Hardenbergh commaund two horse,
Should privately be brought for me and him,
To meete you on the waye for honours sake,
And to expresse my joye of your repaire:
When (loe) the horse I usd to ride upon,
(That would be gently backt at other times)
Now offring but to mount him; stood aloft,
Flinging and bound: you know, Lord Hardenbergh.
HARDEN: Yes my good Lord. ... [II.3.50]
ALPHONSO: And was so strangely out of wonted rule,
That I could hardlie back him.
HARDEN: True, my liege: I stood amaz'd at it.
ALPHONSO: Well, yet I did;
And riding (not a furlong), downe he fell.
HARDEN: That never heeretofore would trip with him,
ALPHONSO: Yet would I forward needs: but Hardenbergh
More timorous then wise, as I supposed,
(For love so hardned me, feare was my slave)
Did ominate such likelie ill to me ... [II.3.60]
If I went forward, that with much enforcement
Of what might chance, he drove me to retreat,
Didst thou not Hardenbergh?
HARDEN: I did my Lord.
ALPHONSO: Yet all the events & reasons urgd, thou sawest,
Would scarcelie worke on me a mightie while.
HARDEN: Tis true my Lord.
ALPHONSO: I warrant thou wilt say,
Thou never yet saw'st any man so loathe
To be perswaded ill of so ill signes. ... [II.3.70]
HARDEN: Never in all my life.
ALPHONSO: Thou wonderst at it?
HARDEN: I did indeed my liege, not without cause.
ALPHONSO: O blame not Hardenbergh: for thou dost know
How sharpe my heart was set, to entertaine
The Lord of this Ambassage so lovingly.
HARDEN: True my good Lord.
ALPHONSO: But (comming back) how gently the Jade went,
Did he not Hardenbergh?
HARDEN: As any horse on earth could do my Lord. ... [II.3.80]
ALPHONSO: Well sir, this drew me into deep conceit,
And to recomfort me, I did commaund
Lord Hardenbergh should ope a Cabanet,
Of choice Jewels, and to bring me thence
A ring: a riche and Violet Hiacinthe,
Whose sacred vertue is to cheere the heart,
And to excite our heavie spirits to mirthe,
Which, putting on my finger swift, did breake,
Now this indeed did much discomfort me:
And heavie to the death, I went to bed, ... [II.3.90]
Where in a slumber I did strongly thinke,
I should be married to the beautious Dutchesse:
And comming to my Chappell, to that end,
Duke Constantine her brother with his Lords
And all our peeres (me thought) attending us,
Forth comes my princelie Katherine, led by death,
Who threatning me, stood close unto her side,
Urging by those most horrible portents,
That wedding her, I married mine owne death:
I frighted in my sleepe, strugled and sweat. ... [II.3.100]
And in the violence of my thoughts, cryed out
So lowde, that Hardenberghe awakt, and rose.
Didst thou not Hardenberghe?
HARDEN: I felt I did, for never yet (my Lord)
Was I in heart and soule so much dismaide.
ALPHONSO: Why thus you see (my Lord) how your delaies,
Were mightilie, & with huge cause enforste.
AMBASSADOR: But dreames (my lord) you know growe by the humors
Of the moist night, which store of vapours lending
Unto our stomaches when we are in sleepe, ... [II.3.110]
And to the bodis supreame parts ascending,
And thence sent back by coldnesse of the braine,
And these present our idle phantasies
With nothing true, but what our labouring soules
Without their active organs, falselie worke.
ALPHONSO: My lord, know you, there are two sorts of dreams,
One sort whereof are onely phisicall,
And such are they whereof your Lordship speakes,
The other Hiper-phisicall: that is,
Dreames sent from heaven, or from the wicked fiends,
Which nature doth not forme of her owne power,
But are intrinsecate, by marvaile wrought,
And such was mine: yet notwithstanding this,
I hope fresh starres will governe in the spring,
And then assure our princely friend your maister,
Our promise in all honour shall be kept:
Returne this answere Lord Ambassador,
And recommend me to my sacred love.
AMBASSADOR: I will my lord: but how it will be accepted
I know not yet, your selfe shall shortly heare. ... [II.1.130]
[Exeunt all but Alph. (and Hardenbergh).]
ALPHONSO: Lords some of you associate him, ha, ha,
Come Hardenbergh, was this not well devis'd?
HARDEN: Exceeding well, and gravelie good my lord.
ALPHONSO: Come lets go and visit my Hianthe,
She whose perfections, are of power to moove
The thoughts of Caesar (did he live) to love. [Exeunt.]
Finis Actus secundus
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